I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
