I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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