Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize