is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
