I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
