I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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