When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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