Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
