He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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