no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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