her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
