Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
