We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
