He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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