there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
