idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
