That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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