need another drink. this is the easiest way
home. puking in laundry basket.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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