I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
