I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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