So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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