Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
