3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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