I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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