She said her name was "party"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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