I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
