So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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