I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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