Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
