legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
