Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize