Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
