I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He passed out mid-signature
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
