I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
