just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
