After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
