i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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