Sry I called you an 8
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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