Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
