so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
