i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
