Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
