i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i believe in u and ur pee
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize