Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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