Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
