Don't make out with my wife yet
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
