So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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