Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
