Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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