You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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