does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize