How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
