btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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