i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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