just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
