half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
its liver damage thursday
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
