i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found the puke drawer
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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