I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
