Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I could fuck to npr.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
