I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
