Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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