please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize