my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
