this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
