I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
