You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
