the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
