Pappa wants mamma naked
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
