yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
