He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
