God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
