Where is the hickey?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
