i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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