I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
