I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
