so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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