I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
