Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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