P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
